Destroyed
by Story Obsessed
Summary: Isabella Swan is Ms. Total Badass. She has been in and out of foster homes since she was 8 when they let her get taken away. When they broke their promise. When they let everyone abandon her because they couldn't take care of her. Well she doesn't need anyone anymore. And Bella has never been very forgiving, not even to the Cullens. Especially not to the Cullens
1. Chapter 1

**Destroyed**

**Hey guys, this is the sequel to my story Broken. However, the summary will cover everything needed to know, so don't worry over it. I am pretty excited about this story even though it's obviously not a happy story considering the title and the title of the first part.**

**Summary:**

**Isabella Swan has had a rough life, starting with being abused before she was even 8. Finally, Bella is rescued by an angel and that angel delivers her straight to the Cullens. Well wasn't that a rollercoaster? In 3 months she was taken away from them being deemed unfit and unsafe. They never came back to rescue her, like they promised they always would.**

**Well now Bella is finally in control of her life. When the Cullens move back to the small town of Forks Bella decides she will **_**not **_**forgive them and she wants no part of them. But of course Edward isn't having any of that.**

**Edward Cullen is determined to pull Bella out of her bad girl reputation and behavior because he knows it is his fault in large for not letting his family get Bella back as a child. And lets face it, no matter how much Edward tries to ignore his feelings, he knows Bella is his. And he will not let her get away again, no matter how much she seems to hate him.**

**Bella's POV**

Jacob slams into me, wrapping his arms around my waist and spinning us. Laughter bubbles from his mouth, I smile hugging him back, only a little tense.

"Damn!" I tease as he puts me down. "Someone is happy to see me"

"The last two weeks have been the absolute worse!" He says seriously, walking me to my locker. "I was forced to be in _suits_" he spits. "And I was _sober_ the WHOLE time."

"What the fuck!" I laugh loudly, ignoring the girls scurrying out of my way. "How did you do it?"

"I don't know, I try to block out painful memories"

I laugh softly this time, I knew that feeling. The first bell rang and kids rushed off in the direction of their classes. I took a drink from my flask, enjoying the burn in my stomach, at least it wasn't as bad as when I first started drinking. Jake drank from my flask before stuffing it back in my locker. The late bell rings, Jacob winks at me and I smirk. He turns and jogs in the direction of his first class. I walk slowly, not in any rush.

"Late on your first day of the new semester" Mr. Markis, my senior lit teacher, says, shaking his head.

"Okay!" I snap. "Do you feel better having got that off your chest?"

I storm off to my seat. Why is he even speaking to me?!

I put my head down and decide today is a good day to nap. As I'm dozing off I feel a hand on my waist, my entire body tenses and I glare up to see who it is. Of course it turns out to be Paul. He slides in the seat next to me.

"What it is Izzy" He murmurs.

I laugh and shake my head. I put my head back down and close my eyes because I knew I was safe with Paul. The same way I feel with Jake and the rest of the gang.

I hear my name being whispered in front of me and ignore Jessica's annoying, pitchy voice. As a freshman she tried so hard to join me in her little "clique" but I had always been too much, even for the mean girls of Forks High, well ex mean girls because no one is meaner than me. In the beginning of my Sophmore year the kids from the rez started coming here. And that's how I met up with my little crew.

Jake, Paul, Leah, Seth, Jared, Quil, and Sam and Emily, but they graduated last year. This was my year, as well as Jacob, Paul, and Jared's. Next year it would be Seth, Leah, and Quil.

We walk out of class together when the bell rings talking about our plans for tonight. The beginning of the day passed slowly but I was a little buzzed by lunch time from drinking.

"What are we doing tonight?" Seth asked.

"I want to get _wasted_" Jacob said from around his lunch.

"I'm down" I said easily. "We can do a bonfire on the beach and just chill. I'll stay over at either your house or your house" I said pointing to Paul and Jacob.

Jacob's eyes lit up hopefully. Everyone knew Jake was hoping I'd decide I want more than sex and friendship between us. But it was a waste of hope because that's never going to happen. Paul was just hoping that I stayed over because he loved the casual sex. I loved that they both had their own place now so there are no annoying parents around.

I felt eyes staring at me, but that was nothing new. Jake's leg brushed against my bare leg and I smiled flirtatiously. The pack, as we called them, were the only people's touch I could bare at this point in my life and it took a year to get that far.

"Come with me to the bathroom" Leah said to me.

I nodded, we are the only girls now that Emily graduated. In the bathroom I pulled out a cigarette as we looked over ourselves in the mirror.

I was wearing a back halter top that stopped right under my chest, the sleeves barely covered my shoulders. My mini skirt was short enough that bending over would show my entire ass. The outfit was topped off with a pair of _bad ass _combat boots. My hair, died jet black, stood straight down to mid back. I looked bomb!

The bell rang while we chatted and smoked. Our classes were right next to each other so we walked together, putting out our cigarettes so we didn't get in trouble again.

"So Bella, can I ask for some advice?" She asked nervously, in an uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability.

"Of course"

"What do I do about Quil?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I want more than just sex, like Jake wants with you"

"Does he want that too?" I asked. "Quil?"

"I don't think so, sometimes it seems like it and sometimes it doesn't"

"Alright, so push a little, drop hints. If he wants it you will know. But don't get your hopes up too high, you know how Quil is."

She nodded and slid into her classroom.

Biology is the only class I have by myself, and I sit by myself too because everyone was (rightfully) too scared to sit next to me.

I pulled out my sketch pad and continued a sketch I had been working on and touching up for 2 weeks, while I was between highs. I didn't draw while I was high or drunk because I couldn't concentrate on it.

I was adding color to my sketch now and my heart sped up as my fingers moved over and across the sketch. I didn't add color to the pale skin. Copper hair was wild at the top of the persons head, competely untamed. I didn't realize I remembered what he looked like enough to draw him in such great detail. Kids were talking loudly in my class about the new kids. I couldn't catch their names.

"Bella" I heard a gasp.

I colored fevorishly. Black eyes stared at me from my sketch, the mouth set in a grim line. The muscles in the face were tense, like I was about to be screamed at. This is how he looked the last time I saw him.

A hand touched my shoulder and my entire body tensed again. The entire class fell deadly quiet. I looked up into shocked, hazel eyes, so much prettier than the eyes I drew. I slammed my colored pencil down and jumped from my seat, effectively moving his hands off of me.

"Don't fucking touch me" I barked.

He stiffened and looked more hurt than shocked, but only for a second. His eyes shifted to my now complete sketch.

"Isabella, watch your language" The teacher said seriously.

"FUCK YOU" I flipped him the finger.

I grabbed my stuff and shoved it back into my bag. My breathing sped up and I was practically panting.

He can't be here, especially not my age. That's impossible! He isn't here, he can't be. What the hell is going on? I hate you, I wanted to yell at him. I hate your whole family.

Am I having a panic attack?

I turned and stormed out of the room, trying to get my breathing in control and failing. I practically ran to my motorcycle and started it up. Without a second thought I sped off to LaPush.


	2. Chapter 2

**I was super happy with the interest for this story so far. And like always, reviews motivate me to update faster.**

**Bella's POV**

It took an hour for the pack to figure out that I wasn't in school since I didn't have Biology with any of them. I was calm by the time they came to the beach, knowing exactly where to find me.

"Are you alright Iz?" Jacob asked.

I shrugged. "I wanna smoke" I said seriously.

"I got us" Paul said already rolling up a blunt.

"Call Sam" I said. "Tell him to bring some beer"

Seth nodded.

Sam was over an hour later lugging cold beer. We smoked and drank until the sun went down. The guys built a fire and Sam blasted music from his truck. We were loud and rowdy listening to music, dancing like drunk lunatics, but I guess that's what we were.

Suddenly, Timber by Kesha came on.

I danced around with Paul and Jacob, earlier issues completely forgotten.

_Swing your partner round and round_

_End of the night it's going down_

_One more shot, another round_

_End of the night it's going down_

At the end of the hook Jacob grabbed my waist and then I was flying. I screamed, laughing and clutching my chest in the air. My body spun and I wondered if this was how cheerleaders felt. I felt myself falling and panicked, hoping they would catch me. I fell safely, Jake catching my legs and Paul catching my torso.

We picked up dancing, doing a horrible job swing dancing around the fire. We still drank and smoked until there was nothing left. By the end of our little party I stumbled into Jacob's arms. My lips met his fevorishly. He pulled me to his bike and we pulled off, heading staight to his house. I left my bike for Sam to bring like he always did.

Jacob was forceful when he was high, he knew what he wanted and it wasn't a friend. We stumbled onto his bed. He pushed my hands away and began to undress me. I closed my eyes and Edward's angry eyes flashed in my head. Then involuntarily I started thinking about everything that happened after I left his family's house.

"Jake wait" I said suddenly.

Jacob growled deep in his chest, it was scary. I pushed against his chest. He grabbed my hands and held them over my head. Through the moon light I could see him staring into my eyes. He leaned down, kissing me roughly.

_Don't be a baby, it's not like you're a virgin_ my subconscious snapped. I gave up and let it happen, I wouldn't remember in the morning anyway.

It's a good thing I started leaving clothes over at his house for nights like this.

**EPOV**

I smelled her as I headed towards my class. Well it couldn't have been her, but it definitely smelled like her.

I thought about the day she left our house 10 years ago and my heart throbbed. I let her go too. It was like losing my light, now I'm just living in darkness.

I walked into my biology class nervous to be in the class with a singer, but glad I had hunted the night before.

The teacher, Mr. Markis, greeted me.

"You'll be sitting next to Isabella Swan" he said, gesturing to _her_ nervously.

His thoughts wondered how bad she might explode. I turned to her and gasped her name. I can't believe it's really her! She was staring intently at whatever she was drawing. She looked... Scared of whatever she was drawing, breathing quickly, heart beating too fast.

I took a minute to analyze her profile. Her outfit _barely _covered her! Every inch of her tight stomach was exposed, he long shapely legs were exposed to. I couldn't help but notice that she grew into a _gorgeous _woman. I thought my heart would start beating again. I had to see if she was real.

I walked up to her and touched her shoulder. Her entire body stiffened and she looked up slowly, barely hiding the petrified look in her eyes. I was surprised, I thought after 10 years she would've gotten over her fear of touch. She jumped out of her seat ripping my hand off of her.

"Don't fucking touch me!" She yelled, voice seeming to echo in the completely silent classroom. She looked up with betrayal in her eyes for a second, then pure hatred.

Pain ripped through my heart. I glance down at what she was drawing and my heart broke even more. She is an amazing artist and the drawing was clearly me. My features are sketched out almost perfectly. My skin pale, hair copper and sticking out in all directions, and my eyes an inhumane shade of pitch black. I looked like a monster ready to pounce. I wonder if I've looked at her like this before and the thought makes me wince.

"Isabella, watch you language" The teacher says half heartedly, only to keep up image.

"Fuck you" She screams, flipping him off.

She turns, shoving all of her books back into her bag. I could hear the beginnings of a panic attack in her. She turns and practically runs out of the classroom.

None of the class was surprised by her behavior the way I was. The teacher looked at me apologetically as I sat. He quickly started his lesson.

I didn't even bother going to the last 2 period because I needed to talk to Esme, hoping she would forgive me enough to talk to me.

"You're home early" Esme said surprise when I ran into the house.

She was sitting on the couch pretending to watch the news.

"I need to talk to you" I said.

She smiled and nodded.

"It's about Bella"

Pain flashed in her eyes but she nodded.

"I'm in biology with her"

Esme grew curious.

"How is she?" She asked quickly. "Does she remember you? How does she look? How is she?"

"I don't know" I said. "She is barely dressed, everyone-including the teacher- is scared of her, she smells like she drinks, and she must remember me. She looks at me like she hates me. And she still doesn't like being touched. I touched her shoulder and she cursed at me, when the teacher told her not to curse she cursed at him and left the class."

Esme looked broken hearted.

_She wouldn't be like that if she would have stayed with us_ Esme thought sadly. I frowned, even though she wouldn't admit it I knew she blamed me. They all did, except Rose and Jasper. They agreed with my choice, a home full of vampires is nowhere for a human, and much less a human child.

"What should I do?" I asked.

"Give her some time, try and be friends with her. I would really like to see her again"

I nodded, that's what I would do, I had no choice. Seeing her today made me feel _something. _I don't know what it is, but I've never felt it before.

...

The next day I see Bella in the parking lot. She is getting off of her motorcycle (if I was human I would have had a heart attack watching her pull off that helmet and letting her hair fall down her back). Today she is wearing tight black skinny jeans, a black sports bra, combat boots, and a leather jacket. A guy on a motorcylce gets off next to her and they wait for someone getting out of a truck.

She turns as she talks to them and sees me and Alice watching her. We agreed that we would talk to her. We walk in her direction and she nudges the guys with her elbows. They turn and see us. Suddenly they fall in front of her like body guards, I stop in shock, I can barely see her now.

I watch as they start walking seperating enough for her to get in between them. She slides a hand in each of their back pockets. She smiles menacingly at me, flips her hair, and they walk past us to the building.

As they past I can smell the drugs and alcohol on them. I growl but have no choice but to head on to my first period, lest I make a scene in front of all these humans.


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so happy I am seeing some very familiar names for this story, I really love you guys. I am writing the next few chapters for this story so I can have some kind of schedule for when I go back to school on the 8th. Also, the first few chapters just give you an insight to Bella. It will be a chapter or two before you see into Edward's head again.**

**BPOV**

I smartly skipped biology for a week. Paul skipped with me and kept me _very_ entertained. By the time everyone met up with us everyday we were already high and in the process of picking up our clothes from the sand and redressing. Everyone teased us about it, saying we were worse than dogs in heat.

I spent the weekend home for the first time in 2 months. It was _hell_! My foster mother yelled at me about smoking and drinking, calling me the devil's child. My foster father, on the other hand, found any and every excuse to touch me, no matter how innocent it was. I didn't bother fighting him because I knew it wouldn't help anyway, it never helped.

I was drunk when he slid in my bed as my foster mother slept.

On my way to school to start a new week I almost crashed my bike. My eyes swam and I couldn't see straight. When I pulled into my spot Jacob was already there.

"JAAAAAKKKEE" I slurred excitedly.

He wasn't surprised to see me drunk or high at 8 in the morning. He smiled and helped me off of my bike. I smiled and leaned up to kiss him. I was light headed and everything was spinning.

"Izzy" Paul called as Jake pulled away.

He was getting out of his truck with my book bag. _How did he get that?_

I leaned over and pecked him on his lips with a flirtatious smile. He smiled sweetly.

"You look sexy" He purred in my ear, tugging it gently between his teeth.

I moaned, closing my eyes. When I opened them I could see Edward staring in my direction, but I ignored him.

"You both look sexy today" I purred to him and Jacob, touching both of their chests.

My day passed slowly, I drank more and more, trying to stay drunk, and decided to go to Biology. Mr. Markis didn't question my absence, he didn't question much of what I did anymore since I was passing his class with an 85. It would be higher but I'm never sober long enough to do homework, and that was in all classes.

Edward didn't speak to me and I ignored him completely. Halfway through the period I was consumed with nausea and gagged, running over the garbage. Nothing came up thankfully.

"Isabella, are you alright?" Mr. Markis asked as I stood up.

I opened my mouth, but was cut off with Lauren's retort.

"Of course she is" She said sweetly. "The little slut's probably pregnant, it's about time too"

I whirled around to her with a glare.

"Oh, was I supposed to keep it a secret? Everyone knows how much of a slut you are"

That hit home. I ran up to her stool and yanked her off of it my her throat. She choked in surprise, not getting enough air to her lungs. I reached back and punched her in her face as hard as I could and she fell to the floor like a pathetic dog.

I could hear people crying out, calling my name, calling security, but I ignore all of them and continued to attack Lauren. She fought back, foolishly.

Rock hard arms grabbed my waist and started pulling me off of her. Ice cold terror gripped my heart as I tried to fight the arms off. As soon as a protective blanket of people surrounded a passed out Lauren, the arms let me go. I spun and met a pair of angry hazel eyes.

"What the fuck Bella" He demanded.

"Fuck you" I snapped my favorite response.

Everyone was trying to help Lauren and ignoring us.

"What is wrong with you?" He snapped.

"The only thing wrong with me is you! I HATE YOU! What don't you get about that? Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't look at me! And how dare you speak to me like you know me or I owe you anything! Fuck you Edward Cullen"

I turned and walked straight into Paul as he ran into the classroom. _Wow, rumors and news about me sure does travel. The pinciple probably called for him knowing he was one of the only people that could calm me._

"What happened?" He wasked worriedly.

Instead of answering, I raised my lips to his. Somewhere in the backround I heard police sirens.

"Bella, come on" Paul whispered, grabbing my hand to pull me out the classroom. "You can't get caught here, especially carrying drugs. I will not let you go back to jail!"

I let him pull me out to the classroom. I hopped on my bike and pulled out of the school, Paul behind me, as the ambulance pulled in. I went to Paul's house and used my key to let myself straight in.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Paul asked following me into my room.

"No talking" I said, kissing him and ridding him of his shirt.

"You never want to talk about it" Paul said with a slight frown.

I smiled mischeviously at him as I kissed down his chest. The conversation was quickly forgotten.

_House Arrest! They put me on house arrest!_

I would be forced to do work at home for the next month. My foster father watched over me, making sure I didn't slack off, smoke, drink, or fuck anyone except him. It was a lot harder being sober and dealing with all of this, but I was used to it, it wasn't like he was the first foster father to take me into his bed. I haven't been a virgin since my 11th birthday. Sex has never meant anything to me for that reason.

I hated being touched except by the pack, I endured it from my foster father, I endured it from all of my foster parents, except this foster mother.

"Devil's child" She spit when she walked in the house and I was only in a bra and panties.

I had only been home for 3 days.

"Fuck you" I snapped, completely tired of her crap.

She reached out and shocked me by slapping me across my face. Automatically I slapped her back, only hard enough that she fell to the floor.

"Let's get something clear, bitch." I snapped stepping over her. "You will never, _ever_ lay another finger on me again, do you understand? Next time I will _not _hesitate to break your face"

She looked at me with pure terror in her eyes and it made me smile. She wouldn't pull a stunt like that again.

Maybe I was an out of control child, _so what_. Everyone that promised to take care of me and 'fix me' abandoned me. Well now I am the way I want to be, finally I'm basically in control of my life. All I need is a job and my own place. Shit, I'm grown now, 18 and officially legal!

I called Sam.

"Hey Iz, what's up besides house arrest?" He chuckled.

"I want to take you up on the offer" I said seriously.

I could hear him choke, all laughter gone.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"Yes, I need to make money"

I thought he'd take it back. He offered me the job before we became close, before he cared what happened to me. But he surprised me.

"Alright... I'll give you the gun, drugs, and list of my, erm, clients when you're free again."

I swallowed, slighly nervous. But thanked him and hung up. I didn't know how I felt about working for a friend, especially as a drug dealer, but hey, that's the easiest way to make easy money. At this point I think I would do anything.


	4. Chapter 4

**I already have 4 chapters of this story written out. I'm trying to make a schedule for my stories. Happy New Year you guys! 2014! (The year I graduate and start college xD) Anyway...**

**BPOV**

I actually had work to turn in my first day back to school. The pack greeted me all too excitedly. I really missed them but regrettingly told them I had to go see Sam before we could hang out. Paul and Jared weren't in school so the pack felt a little empty, even though I couldn't honestly say Jared and I were _friends_.

School was eventless with the exception of Edward staring at me all biology.

"Jared dropped out" Jake said quietly.

I stopped, shocked by the sudden revelation. It didn't really surprise me, I just didn't expect the inevitable to happen so soon.

"Damn" I said surprised. "Did I miss anything else?"

Jake shrugged and shook his head.

We parted ways at LaPush. Jake and the crew went to the beach, I nervously headed towards Sam's house.

"Sam" I called, letting myself in.

I hadn't been to his house in a while. Emily swept me into a hug and chatted with me for an hour before actually letting me find Sam in his mancave of a basement. Paul and Jared were down their talking to him. Paul looked pissed.

"Hey sexy" I said nudging him with a nervous smile.

He pursed his lips and nodded cooly.

"What's wrong with Paul?" I asked Sam when he gestured for me to his desk.

"He doesn't think I should involve you in this" His hand swept over the desk.

I looked down and saw the glock and a list of names with different amounts next to them.

"This is yours" He said.

I picked up the gun and smiled at the thought, but the gun was heavy and foriegn in my hand.

"Jared has agreed to take you to the gun range and teach you about you gun since Paul refuses to."

Paul mumbled under his breath and Jared rolled his eyes.

"You will be going with them to collect some money tonight just so you can get a feel of what you'll be doing. I suspect you will learn quickly."

I nodded and Sam relaxed. I moved the gun back and forth in my hand. Jared came up to me and showed me how to put on the safety, then he tucked it into the waist of my jeans. I sat on Sam's desk and he smiles.

"How are things between you and Emily?" I asked curiously, sliding into friend mode quickly.

"Fine" He said, clearly hiding something. I raised an eyebrow and he smiled, shaking his head.

_Must be serious._

Jared gestured for me to follow him out of the house. We got in his sleek Dodge Charger and headed off to the gun range. Throughout the drive he told me various things about the gun, bragging about the model and a whole bunch of other things. At the range he showed me how to reload it, take it apart to clean it, put it back together, and finally how to shoot.

As we shot at targets and body shaped boards I realized that other than the loud noise, I actually enjoyed shooting. It made me feel powerful, in control, and strong in ways I had never been.

"Why did you drop out?" I asked as we headed back to Sam's to pick up my bike and head to Port Angeles.

"Nothing in school will help me with anything in real life, it was just a waste of time"

I nodded, completely understanding.

Paul and Jared drove side by side in sleek cars. I rode my boke, deciding I would buy myself a nice car when I actually started making money.

My phone rang as we pulled through the streets of Port Angeles. I answered through my bluetooth, provided by Jared.

"Pull into this alley, he should be waiting, we'll be right behind you, remember what I told you"

I thought back to all of the things he told me to help me do this body and said alright. He stayed on the line in case he needed to talk me through something.

I turned and pulled into the alley. I hopped off the bike but left it running. There was a tall skinny man at the end of the alley looking around fearfully.

"Alec" I said with a smile.

He looked at me lustfully, but none the less confused.

"Who are you?"

"That doesn't matter, all that matters is that there is some money you own Sam" I said seriously. "Well it's time to pay up"

I remained cool and calm.

"I don't have the money" He squeaked when I pretended to stretch, revealing my stomach and my gun nestled in my pants.

"_tsk tsk tsk_" I said shaking my head with a frown. "Sam wont be very happy with that. What is it you owe him? A grand? He's done waiting."

I ran my finger lovingly over my new toy. Alec visibly shrank back fearfully.

"See, I'm more forgiving than Sam." I said, smiling sweetly. I pulled out the gun from my waist and pointed it at him lazily. "See Sam wants to torture you slowly, you know he doesn't play when it comes up to his money, but I wont draw out the pain too much"

I cocked the gun, fully aware of the fact that the safety was still on.

"What are you doing?" Jared hissed in my ear. "You can't kill him"

I didn't answer. If I didn't know anything else, I knew how to scare someone so much they will do anything I ask them.

"Well Alec, I hope you had a good life"

I pointed the gun at his stomach and pulled the trigger.

"WAIT" He screamed as the gun locked, thanks to the safety. "I can get you the money. I just need 15 minutes. I will bring it right over."

"I hope so" I said seriously. "I would hate to have to hurt your wife because you tried to run away without my money"

He smelled of piss when he ran by me.

"I'm counting" I called after him.

I leaned against the brick wall calmly.

"You're just letting him leave? How do you know he'll come back?"

"Oh he'll be back" I promised. "Where are you guys anyway? I thought I was supposed to be watching you do this"

"Oh, I have faith in you" Jared laughed. "This guy is one of the toughest guys to get money from, I figured you wouldn't get hurt and wanted to see how you's react to not getting the money."

"But I'll be getting the money" I said cockily.

As the hour hand hit the one I walked back to my bike, 15 minutes was up. I mounted my bike and revved the engine.

"Wait!" He screamed, running back into the alley.

He handed me a wad of bills fearfully stepping away from me. I smiled and started counting it. Sure enough the whole grand was there. I stuffed it in my pocket and smiled sweetly at him.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" I said softly. "Your next delivery will be same time, same place. but I want the money up front. No money, no coke, got it?"

He looked at me with wide eyes. He must've seen that I wasn't bluffing because he nodded and ran away.

"That was amazing" Paul said when we got back to Sam's. "Wow, watching you was sexy as hell! I was so worried, but you can hold your own"

I laughed.

They relayed what happened to Sam and he was impressed. After two weeks of being flanked by Paul and Jared, Sam decided I was good on my own. That's when the money started rolling in for me.


	5. Chapter 5

**EPOV**

Bella was put on house arrest for putting Lauren in a, very short but nonetheless, coma. It was 3 weeks before Lauren came back to class and she strutted around as if Bella hadn't gone off the deep end and beat her ass.

As for Bella, she came for a day to turn in all that work, then disappeared for another two weeks. No one was surprised or concerned by her lack of attendance and it was disgusting.

When Bella came back I could automatically tell there was something going on with her. She looked, impossibly, tougher and acted meaner. She dressed the same except her waist was always covered. And she seemed to have come into some money because she bought herself a new car, which we saw briefly before she started using her bike again.

I still didn't talk to her because she made it very clear that she hated me. I guess she had the right, we pretty much abandoned her. But she seemed alright when she left, she didn't even fight it.

I had gotten into the bad habit of following her around after a month of her being back in school almost everyday. One night I followed her, in her sleek black Dodge Charger, on foot so I wouldn't get caught. It was well past 11 and she was headed into Port Angeles with Paul-who she was sleeping with much to my dislike- and another kid, Jared.

They got out and I got a bad feeling in my gut. They pulled up to an alley that was already occupied with two guys. Bella walked foward and the guys were behind her.

"Alec" She nodded to the skinnier guy. "We are back in a tough spot again, aren't we. I told you today was the last day to have my money. Where is it?"

_She's dealing drugs?_

"He doesn't have it" The bigger guy said. "And he won't be buying from you anymore, so I advise you leave him alone, if you know what is good for you little girl"

"Who the fuck are you?" She demanded. "Get the fuck out my face"

"Watch it" The man said pulling out a gun.

I almost choked. Automatically two guns were pointed back at him, Paul and Jared's.

"Aim that gun at me and it's your life" Bella said uncaringly, like she didn't realize a gun could _kill _her.

"Really, we'll see"

He laughed and aimed the gun at her head. He cocked the gun back. Four gun shots exploded, hardly being heard over the noise of the mini city we were in.

For a second I thought Bella got shot, but she didn't even blink. The man with the guns staggered back 4 times and fell to the floor with a thud. The junkie, Alec, pissed himself. Bella shook her head and stepped to the man, taking Paul's gun with her. Paul and Jared didn't move.

"Now I'm going to make myself perfectly clear. If you ever bring someone back to threaten me you will be dead on this floor with them. Second of all you have a week to get my money, if you don't have my money, your wife will be dead on this floor. Got it?"

He nodded deperately, completely terrified. I stared in shock, feeling sick.

"Good, now get out, you stink like piss"

He surried away like a rat.

"Thanks guys" She said seriously, stepping over the dead body like it was nothing. She handed Paul his gun.

"You can't hesitate to pull out a gun to defend yourself" Jared said seriously. "That's how you get killed."

Bella shrugged. "I wasn't worried about it, I have you two and if I was alone I would have shot him. I need to finish packing my shit so I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Jared walked away first. Paul stayed behind.

"It really worries me that you do this and you don't even defend yourself half the time Bella"

"Why?"

"Because I care about you"

The soft look in her eyes vanished as she hardened, inside and out. Her back straightened and she seemed to grow taller. This was probably why so many humans were scared of her. She looked him straight in the eye and spoke in a mean voice.

"Don't even, don't do what Jacob is doing. Do not catch any feeling because the feeling will not be returned. I am not interested in dating, and being faithful, or even thinking about these thing. I just want to fuck and be friends Paul, that's it and that's all it will ever be."

Paul didn't look surprise, but he tried to hide the hurt in his eyes.

"No offense _Isabella_ I never said I was interested in being anything more than a fuck buddy with you. I'm not a pussy like Jake, I know what it is and I _do not_ want anything more than that. I feel the same way as you, you're just a piece of ass and a friend"

"Good" Bella said with an angry flash in her eyes. "Keep it that way."

She turned, throwing her hair over her shoulder. She didn't turn back to see Paul lean against the wall and rub his face angrily.

I knew that no matter how Bella felt about it, I would have to help her, to fix her, because this isn't alright. And I knew I had to act sooner than later.

I followed her to what I knew to be her foster parents house. I knew she was going to finish packing her stuff. When she went inside the house, I went around back and through her window into her bedroom.

She was walking around downstairs, sneaking. I looked around her room and was shocked to see boxes stacked on boxes in every corner. Her dresser nursed 20 bottle of liquor, 5 of which where empty. I could smell the drugs under her bed. But what shocked me the most was the smell of the tangy metalic of bullets in the room.

Bella came in the room and locked the door behind her. I hid in the shadows. She pulled a gun out of her waist and threw it on to the bed. She went straight over to her dresser and took a bottle of vodka to her lips.

I heard moving from another room and surprisingly Bella did too. She took another drink and rocked on her heels, for once not looking like the tough girl I was used to seeing. There were steps coming towards Bella's door. She braced herself as the door knob jiggled.

"Open the door" Her foster father demanded. "I know you're in there"

"Go away" She said tiredly.

He slammed against the door and it gave away with barely any restraint. He was mad.

"What is this?" He demanded.

He stormed over to a stack of boxes and kicked it over. Everything from the top box flew everywhere. Something shattered, but I was too focused on trying to control my rage to see what it was.

"I told you, you aren't going anywhere!" He yelled at her.

She didn't answer, instead she put the bottle back to her lips. He stormed up to her and snatched the bottle, smashing it on the floor. The acidic smell filled the air. I was rooted to the spot again, terrified for Bella and trying not to kill this man. He reached up and slapped her across the face. I growled. Bella barely flinched despite the force of the hit. He grabbed her shirt and literally ripped it open, throwing her to the bed.

Terror flashed in her eyes.

"No" She said seriously. "You will never touch me again"

He laughed. Neither of them noticed me step out from the shadows. Bella reached out and so much anger shone from her eyes I was scared for this man.

"I'm serious"

"Sure you are slut" He spit on her.

She lifted her hand, aimed the gun, and emptied her clip in his chest. I froze in shock as he fell, dead before he hit the floor.

"Bella" I gasped shocked.

She turn and pulled the trigger 4 times at me, but there were no bullets. When she realized it was me she looked angry again, like she really wanted to kill me.

"Come with me" I said seriously.

She didn't answer.

"Come with me, you are coming to my house"

She looked at me like I lost my mind. I sighed and realized she wouldn't come willingly. Well, it's a good thing I'm stronger and faster than her.


	6. Chapter 6

**BPOV**

There is no way in hell I am that drunk! What the fuck just happened?

I was standing, looking up at the huge familiar house. But I was _just _in my room! How did Edward get me here so fast? It felt like he grabbed me, jumped out the window, and started running, not effected by my struggling.

He was standing by the door watching me. I turned and threw up. I couldn't help it, my stomach was in knots and drinking didn't help at all.

"Oh my God" I said as my stomach settled. "What the fuck Edward?!"

"You can't stay where you are now" He said simply.

"I WAS ABOUT TO MOVE! I'M 18!"

"Where are you going to go Bella?" Edward snapped. "You just killed a man"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand" I said simply. "Take me home, NOW"

"No, you clearly haven't been under the right supervision and you're irresponsible and immature and I doubt you can take care of yourself."

"I've been doing it since I was 8" I snapped.

He flinched. "The path you're taking is going to get you killed. You could have gotten yourself killed today"

"I WAS FINE, MIND YOUR BUSINESS, WERE YOU FOLLOWING ME?"

"You didn't look fine with a gun aimed at your head! You didn't look fine when your foster father slapped you! How long?"

"What are you talking about?"

"How long has he been raping you?"

I gasped and stepped back from the house, from Edward. Hearing those words spoken out loud felt like a kick to the gut.

"Fuck you"

I turned and had to resist the urge to run like hell, but I had to face the fact that I have no idea where I am or where I'm going. Suddenly Edward was in front of me again.

"The family is waiting for you, don't make this harder than it needs to be."

"I don't want to see them"

"Then" Edward paused, tugging at his hair. I remember that trait well, and it hurt. "Do you remember where your room was? You can just go up there, but it hasn't been changed since you left. You aren't leaving."

I turned away somehow knowing that trying to run would be pointless. I stormed into the house and straight up the stairs. I felt weak when the tears started burning my eyes. I remember how scared I was the first time I walked into this house. I remember the first time I walked up these stairs. Esme was holding my hand. I felt so safe.

Now I felt betrayed.

I went straight to the room I knew all too well. My last night in here Edward broke everything, but you couldn't even tell. They had fixed everything that same night. The room looked just like how I left it.

All of my old toys that Mr. S didn't bring me were in and on top of the toy chest. Elementary school books were on the desk neatly, one book was open. The page was covered in huge, sloppy childish hand writing. Spongebob sheets covered the bed. I managed to kick the door closed before I broke down.

I sobbed like a weak child, which is exactly what I felt like. I don't want to be in this house.

I waited a few hours before trying to sneak out of the house, but everyone was awake in the livingroom when I tried to walk through. They all stared at me.

I knew my eyes were still puffy. My shirt was still ripped down my chest so my bra showed. My shorts barely covered the top of my thighs and my jacket hung open.

Suddenly Esme had her arms around me, she sobbed. My entire body tensed, repelling her touch.

"Get off of me" I snapped when she didn't let go. She complied automatically. "Don't touch me"

She looked hurt but nodded.

"I'm glad you're home" She whispered.

"This is _not_ my home."

"I'm sorry" Esme sobbed, burying her face in her hands. "I'm so sorry Bella"

"Bella stop" Carlisle said softly.

"You stop" I yelled at him. "Don't tell me what to do and don't sit here and pretend that everything is fine and dandy because it isn't. I hate you! I hate all of you!"

I reached into my pockets for my cigarettes, but they weren't there.

"Where are my cigarettes?! Edward take me home now!"

"You aren't going anywhere until you are... Better"

"TAKE ME HOME" I screamed.

Without thinking I picked up the paper weight from the the side stand and threw it at him. He caught it but looked at me in shock. I reached down for my gun, fully intending on shooting him, but it wasn't there.

"You can't go home Bella. There's probably cops everywhere trying to find you now."

"I'd rather be in jail than here with you"

I reached down for my phone and dialed Paul's number. He answered on the 3rd ring.

"Paul"I said seriously. "Track my phone and pick me up, now,please"

Edward took the phone. "She's kidding"

And before my eyes he crushed the phone with one hand. He looked at me, glaring.

"EDWARD" I yelled.

He dropped the bits of my phone that were left over.

"You aren't leaving, you need help"

"I NEEDED HELP WHEN I WAS 8. DON'T TRY AND SWOOP IN AND 'SAVE' ME NOW! WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME WHEN I WAS 8?" I turned to Esme. "You promised you would never let anyone hurt me again. You promised you would never abandon me. And you LET that man take me away! I hate you" I turned back to Edward. "But I hate you the most"

I stopped. I shouldn't have said all of that. Too personal. I heard sobbing and I hoped it hurt. I hope every word struck a nerve because even then they wouldn't know half of the pain I know. I turned and went back up to my old room, slamming the door.

It a fit of rage I start throwing everything I can get my hands on. I and vaguely aware of glass breaking and the banging, but I don't care. I hate all of this! The wreck I caused was bigger than I thought. I looked down at a torn teddy bear and my heart dropped. I reached down and picked it up.

It was Salt, the only thing I cared about when I was 8. I had vowed to protect him, and I was the one to hurt him. I remember begging Mr. S to bring him, to bring Esme, to bring me home.

I didn't get any of them.

...

I didn't even realize it was Friday when everything went down until no one came to wake me up for school, but the sun was high in the air. I looked around and grew angry again. I shouldn't be back in this house.

My head hurt and I felt nauseous, but I refused to ask for anything. There was a knock on my door. I ignored it.

"Bella" I automatically recognized Alice's voice. "I know you can hear me. I have clothes for you."

I didn't answer. I walked over to the wall that was all glass and sat on the floor, staring into the woods. How many times had I done this while I was living here?

"Bella, please don't be angry with us, you have no idea what happened to cause everything. You don't understand. It wasn't Esme's fault"

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I finally snapped.

"We won't leave you alone until you hear us out. I know you're mad but please, you're killing Edward and Esme."

"Good" I spit.

That got Alice to leave me alone. I sat on the floor, stomach churning and chest aching. I _need_ to smoke. I was feeling, literally, sick with longing. I don't have an addiction problem, I just prefered to be drunk or high.

The only good thing that came out of not smoking was the fact that I wasn't hungry. I was never hungry when I didn't smoke. I waited until the clock on the night stand told me it was 9 at night to leave the room. I still wasn't feeling good.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"I had plans tonight" I snapped.

"You're not leaving"

"Yes I am! I already had plans, who are you to try an change shit? Oh yeah, NOBODY"

"You can't go back to your house yet."

"Then _you_ go and bring me my bike. I'm going to Leah's house" I lied, hoping he would be less of a dick and leave me alone.

"Alright" He sighed.

I was shocked but happy. He left and was back 20 minutes later with my bike.

"Don't do anything stupid"

I rolled my eyes and left. As I pulled into LaPush I knew I had no intentions on going back to that house.


	7. Chapter 7

**BPOV**

Before I knew it, it was Monday morning. I was sitting in the passanger's seat of Paul's truck, running my hands up and down his chest. I ignored the worried look he'd been shooting me all morning. Everyone in our group smoked and drank, but no one did it as much as me. I was drunk before he even came out the shower this morning. We smoked together but I kept drinking until everything started blurring together.

When we pulled up to the school I literally fell out of the seat. I landed on the gravel on my hands and knees.

"Bella" Jacob gasped, pulling me up.

I laughed and stumbled into his chest. He automatically started looking at me like he was worried too. I knew it was because they couldn't handle me the last time I got like this. They knew I was headed for worst. They didn't know about the pills I was trying to convince Sam to sell me. He didn't even want to supply me with anything to sell because he remembered the last time I got like this too.

Edward was glaring at me and walking over. I should've been more concerned, but my vision was swimming and I couldn't bring myself to care about his anger.

"Bella, what the hell, you were supposed to come back home Saturday night! I knew I shouldn't have let you leave"

"Sorry" I purred, stumbling into his icy chest. He caught me. "I'll make it up to you tonight"

"You're drunk" He said angrily.

"Thank you Catherine Obvious" I snapped.

Paul and Jacob busted out laughing. Edward just glared.

"It's Captain, not Catherine" Paul said.

I stumbled back over to Paul laughing.

"Bella, you have to get out of here" Edward said suddenly, reaching for me.

"Maybe _you_ should get out of here" Paul said protectively.

Edward ignored him and looked around before staring into my eyes. My entire head swam.

"Bella, they're coming for you"

I laughed but looked around. It took a few seconds to realize what he was talking about. There were three cops heading towards me, hands on thier guns. They were too close, I was too late. Paul looked confused. I turn and took off at a run. The cops ran after me and caught me in a few seconds since I couldn't even stand straight.

The first cop grabbed me tightly, forcing me to knees. I choked in anger and started fighing him off. The next cop grabbed my hands and pulled them behind my back. Everyone stared at us in shock.

"Bella" Paul yelled, but the third cop grabbed him and held him back.

"Isabella Swan, you are under arrest for the murder of Adam Pierce. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and _will_ be used against you in the court of law." Hand cuffs slapped around my wrists, locking them together. "You have the right to an attourney, if you can't afford one, one will be appointed to you"

I was lifted to my feet as a cop car drove through the kids to us. I turned and threw up on the cops shoes. He looked so disgusted I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed until tears burned my eyes. He pushed me into the back of the cop car roughly.

Edward, Jacob, and Paul stared after the cop car angrily as we pulled off. A cop threw me in a holding cell, saying something about sobering up and staying overnight. I looked around the cell and stumbled to the bed. Automatically I fell onto the dirty cot and fell asleep.

...

I woke up to the sound of banging against the cell bars. I groaned, head pounding against my skull.

"GET UP" A cop barked.

I groaned again and did as I was told. I knew he was going to bring me before a judge so they could decide whether I would stay in jail for the duration of my trial or if I could leave. I was still stumbling while I walked, once again cuffed.

I stood in a familiar court room in front of a familiar judge. He said the case number and my name. A man in an expensive suit was next to me.

"Yes I am Peter and I will be representing Ms. Swan" The man said.

I couldn't deny that he was _georgous_. It was unnatural, like the Cullens.

There were some formalities. Finally, we got down to it.

"We request that the Ms. Swan be remanded for the duration of the trial"

"Your Honor that is unreasonable. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen are willing to pay bail as well as take responsibility for Ms. Swan for duration of the trial."

"She is a flight risk with a history of drug abuse and violence. She had access to a gun."

"The Cullens will be claiming the responsibility for her. Her gun was found on the scene of the crime"

The judge waited and then cut in.

"The defendent is to be put on house arrest, in the Cullens' guardianship, and you will do well to ensure that she has no access to any weapons and she doesn't leave home, at all. She will also submit to weekly drug tests"

_Whatever_

"The first trail date will be set for this day a month from now."

The gavel banged. A cop came to me and uncuffed me. I rolled my eyes, but followed Esme and Carlisle out of the courtroom. They had to fill out paperwork. I signed where told numbly, not bothering to read. A familiar metal anklet was slapped and locked around my ankle. Without a word I allowed Esme to drive me to their house, I was too tired to fight and I was feeling sick to my stomach.

Esme tried to speak to me, I could see her lips moving, but I couldn't hear her over the pounding in my ears. She frowned but gave up trying to talk to me. I went straight up to my old room and automatically noticed the difference. I now had a light blue bedset on the bed. All my old toys and books had been removed. The desk now nursed a sleek black laptop. The closet was now full of clothes that looked my size, but definitely not my regular flashy attire.

My head was still in a haze as I slid into the bed and went back to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**I am very dissapointed in the lack of reviews I've been getting for this story and that's why I didn't update earlier. Hopefully I get more reviews this time or I'll just have to prioritize my other stories before this one.**

**EPOV**

"I just don't know what to do" Esme cried into Carlisle's shoulder. "She's so... different than I thought she'd be. I knew we should have faught for her. She would have been so much happier."

Bella was in her bed breathing deeply. She's been asleep since she came back from court. 12 hours ago. Carlisle said she needed to sleep off the haze from drinking so much and smoking. I frowned but didn't say anything about it.

"It's too late to think about what-ifs now. We have to help her now, she needs us more than ever." Carlisle said softly.

"She _hates_ us" Esme cried harder. "As soon as they give her the verdict she's going to leave and never come back. Then what? You know how much a girl like her will go through without us? She's so fragile!"

"She put a girl in a coma. She killed a man, had another man killed for aiming a gun at her, she sells drugs, she is not fragile. Maybe unstable, but not fragile" Alice said seriously, no venom in her voice.

"She is emotionally fragile" Rosalie said, Jasper nodded in agreement. "That's why she drinks so much and does drugs. She still doesn't even like to be touched."

"Besides by Paul and Jacob" I said, the reminder alone angering me.

"Who are they?" Carlisle asked.

"Two boys from the rez. She is sleeping with them and doing those drugs with them. They were thinking about the last time Bella got like this, but nothing specific, just that they were worried about her"

"Well right now my visions on her are fuzzy" Alice said begrudgingly.

"I'm so worried about her" Esme said.

"She doesn't sleep with them while she's sober" Alice mentioned. "She is a totally different person when she is."

_A easier person to deal with_ I thought, but then I automatically felt guilty. She wouldn't be going through all of this if I would have agreed to bring her back when she was younger.

Suddenly Bella's heart rate spike and started racing. I could hear her moving in her bed frantically. She started panting and choking. I ran up, scared she would hurt herself.

Bella was tangled in her sheets and kicking them off the bed, her face covered in sweat and screwed up in pain.

"Don't touch her" Alice warned softly, reminding me right before it was too late.

"Bella" I called.

Her body stiffed and she started breathing harder.

"Bella get up. Wake up, it's just a dream"

She kept fighting, sounding on the verge of a heart attack. I moved to her bed and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her. She started screaming and finally lurched out of her sleep. She looked around frantically, eyes filling with tears. Suddenly she ran out the bed and into the bathroom and started throwing up.

_Just like her first night here_ Esme thought sadly.

Bella came out her bathroom slowly and froze when she saw me. Her face contorted and she glared at me. If looks could kill I'd be dead right now.

"GET OUT" She finally snapped.

I stared at her face, trying to find what she was hiding behind the mask she was now hiding behind.

"NOW"

I sighed and walked out the room slowly. I had barely cleared the door before it slammed behind me.

"What do we know about Bella since she left?" Esme asked, trying to calm down.

"She's been in 13 foster homes. Her last home she was in 3 years. He's been raping her for who knows how long. She sells drugs, does drugs, and is clearly an alcoholic. She's been to jail and she was there for 2 months. She had a history of drug abuse and violence" I was growling by the time I was done.

I felt Jasper calming me. Esme started crying again.

"I think she still gets panic attacks too. She had one when we first came back to the school before she walked out of class." I added calmly.

Suddenly I heard her footsteps coming down the stair. Everyone froze in shock then tried to look casual. She walked into the livingroom and looked at everyone silently.

"Yes sweetie" Esme said softly.

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes. Esme actually flinched and looked down at her hands. I stared at Bella's pale face. She licked her dry lips and rocked on her heels for a second.

"Did you need something? You can make yourself at home you know. What's here is yours" Carlisle said gently.

Bella stared into his face for a few seconds before turning and going to the kitchen. For a few minutes she stayed in there. All I could hear of what she was doing was the crack of the water bottles being twisted open. From the sound of it she drank 4 water bottles. When she walked past the livingroom to go back to her room she was carrying 4 more bottles and one to her lips.

"It's the motion" Carlisle said when Bella was gone and we looked around, confused at how she could be so thirsty. "She's using the motions of drinking to help her with not being able to drink. It's common with alcoholics trying not to drink. If she had access to cigarettes she would end up chain smoking to make up for not getting high"

Once again I was grateful that Carlisle was a doctor and knew these things.

I heard the growling of a motorcycle and a truck. I automatically smelled Paul and Jacob. They knocked on the door. We all looked around surprised as Carlisle went to the door with Esme.

"Hi, can I help you?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes" Paul said. "I'm Paul, this is Jacob, we were hoping we could see Bella"

"Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea. She's in her room." Esme said softly.

"Alone?" Jacob blurted.

I could see from Esme's thoughts that the boys were exchanging worried glances. Esme nodded and they exchanged more glances.

"Please, we've been really worried and I just need to see if she's okay."

"Alright" Esme finally sighed, I growled angrily. "Third floor, only door on the right"

"Thank you" Jacob said.

Then they were both off, literally running up to her room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Let's take a look into Bella's head again. We may see a little vulnerability for her here.**

**BPOV**

I sat on the floor of my new, but old, room, quiet as a mouse. All those water bottles from an hour ago were finished. My throat burned, my stomach churned, and I couldn't breathe. I was staring at the floor when my door burst open. Before I realized it I was screaming. I looked up and shut up as soon as I realized it was Paul and Jacob.

"Can't you knock?" I snapped, jumping up.

"We've been worried" Paul announced as he and Jacob ran up to hug me.

I stiffened in there arms and waited for them to let me go. After a few seconds they did.

"What the hell is going on?" Paul finally demanded as Jacob sat on my bed.

"Nothing" I said. "Can I get a cig.?" I asked.

Paul handed me one and Jacob tossed me a lighter. The cigarette was lit in a few seconds. I inhaled the smoke like my life depended on it. Almost instantly the butterflies in my stomach settled.

"Now what is going on? Your foster father is dead? Why are you here? Do you even know these people? What is going on?" Paul ran off not giving me a chance to answer.

"Relax. My foster dad was mad at me for coming home so late and drinking and smoking. We got into an arguement and he hit me. I was so tired of him knocking me around that I unloaded my clip in him before I even realized it." I gave the half truths smoothly. "The Cullens agreed to take responsibility of me for the duration of the case so I wouldn't have to stay in jail. And yes I do know them, Carlisle and Esme were my foster parents when I was younger."

"Were they good parents? They must care about you if they're taking you back when you're this old and in this situation, why didn't you just stay with them?"

The question was like a kick to the gut. That was the question I had asked myself since I left. Why didn't they fight for me? I thought I was good. I thought they were going to protect me. I _thought _they loved me. But that was my own stupid fault. The real question is, _who_ could love me?

"Shit happens" I said with a shrug. "I need a drink"

"My uncle said you have to take drug tests, we don't want you to get arrested on a technicality, you have to wait until the trial is over" Jacob said. "You're room is nice"

I grunted and moved to stare out the window, sadly my cigarette was done and I was nauseous.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit" I snapped.

"Have you talked to doctor Cullen about it?" Jacob asked.

Of course everyone knew who Carlisle was, I thought angrily.

"No, and I will not talk to any of them. I _hate_ them"

Paul and Jacob smartly chose not to respond.

"I know you guys are worried, but this is nothing like last time. I am not going to try and kill myself"

I looked down at the only scars marking my arms, the one crossing each wrist.

"I just want to be alone" I finished. "Just, please, I'll call you guys soon" I lied.

"We love you Bell" Jacob said, moving to kiss my cheek.

Paul kissed the other cheek and I stayed stiff until they left.

I paced back and forth, blood boiling. I wanted to hit someone, to break something. My stomach was in knots and my head was pounding. I was at war with myself, trying not to throw up. I tried to calm myself down by taking deep breaths and when that didn't work I grabbed my ipod and flipped through my music. After a few seconds I was so annoyed I threw it across the room. The sound of glass shattering filled the air and my mirror fell to the floor in a million fragments. I was breathing fast staring at were my mirror used to be.

Suddenly there was a knock on my door. I didn't answer it. Instead, I found myself trying to calm down.

"I'm coming in" A deep voice said.

I turned to the door in time to see Jasper walking in. I just stared at him, surprised that he was the one that knocked. I didn't know anything about Jasper, he's never spoken to me before.

"Hey" he said softly, closing the door behind him.

I stood up straight and watched as he moved into my room. I moved with him, making sure he couldn't get any closer to me.

"What do you want?" I asked through my teeth.

"I just wanted to check on you" He said.

I watched him, not trusting him at all. He sat at the foot of my bed watching me. I took another step away from him, crossing my arms. He stared at my face intently, looking sad and confused. I, on the other hand, was angry, sad, and more than a little scared.

"Bella, you know we would never hurt you, right?"

Anger and pain flared in me at once. Jasper flinched.

"Really because that's what Esme said before she let them take me" I snapped.

My stomach was in knots, twisting, still trying to force me to vomit.

"Bella" Jasper frowned.

He got up and stepped towards me, I stepped back quickly, glaring at him. He sighed.

"I'm sorry"

I grunted, unable to think of words for this situation. What was he apologizing for? It was Esme and Edward that ruined everything. The silence stretched on.

"How come you guys look the same?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"What do you mean?" He asked, feigning confusion.

"You all are exactly the same as you were 10 years ago. And fast, and strong, what's going on?"

I started to curl and uncurl my fingers where they were hidden under my, still crossed, arms. He just stared at me for another minute. Finally he frowned and turned to walk out of my room. He took a few steps towards my door.

"Aren't you going to answer me?" I demanded.

He kept walking and turned the knob on my door. Without thinking I ran foward and grabbed his arm and instantly regretted it as my stomach rolled. He didn't look at me as he grabbed my wrist and dropped it back on my side. My stomach won our battle at that moment.

I turned and ran to the bathroom and started throwing up water. At the same time tears poured down my face. When my stomach settled I leaned back against the wall, unable to stop my flow of tears. I banged my head against the wall and I swear my brain shook. I did it again and for a second my vision swam.

Without anything to stop it, my mind traveled back in time. It was like everything I've been hiding from was coming foward in my head. Every touch that I didn't want, every kiss, every fight, every tear. I felt dirty, grimy. I crawled to my shower, still crying, and turned it on. Quickly, I stripped and stepped into the scalding water. I could feel the water burning me but ignored it as I scrubbed my skin until it was raw. I even washed my hair 3 times. Still I felt dirty. I gave up and slid to the bottom of the tub. Loud sobs filled the bathroom. I just sat in the tub for who knows how long. I felt the water go from scalding to icy but didn't move.

I recognized this feeling, but I hadn't felt it since I started drinking, except for the time Paul and Jacob still worry over. It was like a fog taking over my mind, suffocating me, making everything dark and hopeless. Making me want anything but to be living. I looked down at my arms and realized they were still raw and red, but the tips of my fingers looked almost blue.

I turned off the water and got out the shower. My reflection revealed dark eyes, with matching bags under them. My lips were blueish-purple, my cheeks and neck red like the rest of my body. I realized that I needed my anti-depressants, or to drink, or I'd end up on suicide watch again and I definitely didn't want that.

I wasn't surprised when I saw my closet full of clothes in my size, Alice no doubt, if she was the same as before. I pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a tshirt, shivering either from the cold or from how sick I was feeling. I didn't bother to brush my hair or put on socks before I left the room. Up from the third floor I looked down the stairs. If I jumped it would be over before I even realized it.

I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to fight off the cold, and rushed down the stairs. I fell on the last two steps and landed on my hands and knees. Tears burned my eyes and I started shivering harder and breathing faster. I stumbled up and tried to walk into the living room quietly. All of the Cullens were still in there and looked at me as soon as I stepped in.

"Oh my, Bella" Carlisle exclaimed, jumping up from the couch. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

I stared at him, frozen for more than a few seconds. My teeth banged together violently as I shivered and I could barely breathe.

"I-I" I stuttered. I swallowed nervously and dug my nails into my leg. "I need my meds." I finally said.

My breathing sped up and my vision swam. Even though I was gasping I felt like I couldn't breathe. My throat was too tight.

"Bella relax" Carlisle said, stepping closer and reaching out to me.

"NO" I yelled, scurrying back.

_I think I'm having a panic attack._

"Bella, take a deep breath" Carlisle said. "What medicine?"

"Anti-depressants" I gasped, clutching my chest and looking at him wide eyed. "I think I'm having a panic attack. I don't have those anymore" I added to myself.

"Everyone out" Carlisle said.

The family took a few seconds to comply. I slid to the floor and put my head between my knees, still gasping.

"Take a deep breath Bella, come on" He said softly. "Are you scared?"

I nodded, remembering that during an episode I had to be honest. That was something I learned from the short amount of time I was in therapy.

"What are you scared of?"

"Me. You."

"Why?"

"Gonna. Hurt. My. Self. Again" I gasped between each word. "Can't. Breathe"

Carlisle was quiet for a second. "I'm going to give you something to calm you down."

I looked up and my head swam when I saw the needle.

"NO" I shriek.

"Bella"

I turned and almost threw up. I got up and slammed into the wall, dizzy.

"NO NO NO" I screamed at the needle.

Carlisle stepped towards me and I turned and ran past him. My foot caught the coffee table and I ended up sprawled across the floor.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to hurt yourself."

With that Carlisle grabbed my arm. I screamed and felt the needle pierce my arm. Almost automatically I was forced to calm down. My vision got dimmer and then it was gone. Then I was gone.

**I didn't originally plan on this happening, but the Cullens needed to see she really does need help and it's more serious than they thought. They also need to know a little bit more about Bella.**

**I was glad that I got 5 reviews for the last chapter so hopefully next time I get 5 or 6.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I was super happy with the feedback from the last chapter. They were longer and there was more of them! I decided it's be cool to hear from Carlisle and give Bella a little break because it may or may not be hell when she wakes up.**

**Carlisle's POV**

I don't know what made me believe that alone time was what Bella needed. Just from monitoring her heart I could tell how unstable she was feeling. Her sobs boomed through the house like gun shots now that Jacob and Paul were gone. My heart broke for her. Esme could barely control her emotions. Edward looked like he didn't know what to feel. He went from angry to sad to confused back to angry, over and over with barely any time between each shift.

It was shocking to hear Bella telling Jacob and Paul not to worry about her trying to kill herself, I didn't even know that was something we should be worried about. It was almost impossible for Edward to keep calm upon hearing that, that much was evident in the way he shook and growled.

Bella spent almost an hour and a half in the shower. When she got out her heart was racing, she wasn't breathing evenly, and she was practically frantic. I knew she was in the beginning stages of a panic attack. My first worry was that she'd step in the glass I heard her break upstairs, but to my shock she started running down the stairs. She fell at the bottom and from her breathing right then and there I knew she was already having a panic attack, I just couldn't figure out what exactly caused it. She practically burst into the living room. What I saw was a sight enough to shock a vampire.

I was so used to Bella looking tough, angry, or drunk that I almost didn't recognize her. The first thing I noticed, besides her chattering teeth, was the terror in her eyes. Then I noticed everything else. Her lips were blue, almost purple, as well as her finger tips. The rest of her skin was bright red and raw. She had dark bags under her eyes.

"Oh my, Bella" I stuttered, jumping up in shock. "Are you alright? What's wrong?"

She stared at me for a few seconds before stuttering through her chattering teeth that she needed her medicine. I didn't even know she was on medicine, was she talking about drinking? Or smoking? She started gasping as if she couldn't breathe.

"Bella relax" I said softly, reaching out to her and stepping closer.

"No" She screamed stumbling away from me, almost falling in the process.

I tried to calm her down and find out what medicine she thought she needed and was even more shocked when she said anti-depressants. Shouldn't her file have come by now? I should know all of this already so I could take care of her properly!

She starts saying she is having a panic attack and I order my stunned family to leave the room. I try to talk to her to calm her down as she slides to the floor. I ask her if she's scared, I already knew she was, but I just wanted to see if she'd be honest.

She was.

She was scared of me, I guess I could understand that if her foster father raped her like Edward implied. But she was also scared she was going to hurt herself. At this point I could tell she could hardly breath and ran to my office to get a sedative. She screamed and took off like a bat in hell as soon as she saw the needle. But she just ended up sprawled across the floor. I alpologized and held her still as I gave her the needle.

It took 30 seconds for her breathing to relax, and then she fell straight to sleep. The house was deathly quiet for a second, other than Bella's breathing. Then I heard Esme's sobs, next I heard banging, I knew it was Edward hitting trees and hoped he knew he would have to clean that up when he relaxed.

With a sigh I picked up Bella's tiny body and brought her up to her room. I couldn't help but notice that she was still small for her age, just like when she was here last time. I tucked her under her sheets, hoping to restore her body temperature, and quickly cleaned up the glass from her floor.

I sighed and sat at the foot of her bed, head hanging down sadly.

"I'm sorry" I whispered softly after a few seconds. "We shouldn't have let you go, I promise it's just what we thought'd be best. I'm sorry you're going through all of this, and I promise we'll fix you. And we won't let you go to jail"

I doubted she could hear me under such heavy sedation, but I needed her to know this. It was so hard seeing her like this. She changed so much since she was 8, but she was exactly the same. She was still a scared little girl.

I got up and left her room, closing the door behind me. Without a second thought I went to Esme.

"We need to go get her file" I said seriously.

Esme nodded sadly and we left to go get it. It turns out the file was still at the foster agency and we had to give them papers proving that the courts had released her to us. We also had to stop to speak to her case worker. He just looked as us for a minute, I was glad it wasn't the same case worker as before so he wouldn't get suspisious. The case worker didn't say much, just that he wished us luck, we would need it, and that she was no longer of age to be part of the agency. We knew that already so we just signed some papers and left.

The manilla folders were in a manilla envelope. Apparently Bella had quite a record. The envelope sat between us like a taboo object neither of us wanted to read. When we got to the house and sat on the couch it was like we couldn't avoid it anymore. Edward was sitting in the living room with us, the rest of the family left to spend the weekend hunting.

I knew Edward was reading the papers through our thoughts, I guess he had the right to know since I had a strong suspicion that he liked her more than just a friend.

Bella bounced from foster home to foster home, it was rarely disclosed about why she left. It was vague, and general, it sounded a little false. The responses were along the lines of she ran away, or the parents decided they didn't want her anymore. There were no details.

She had been arrested before for disorderly conduct, intoxication as a minor, assault, possession of drugs; the list was a little long, but vague. The only thing in detail was what Jacob and Paul were talking about.

When she was 15 she slit both her wrists in attempt to kill herself. Paul and Jacob found her half dead at LaPush in the middle of the day. They rushed her off to the hospital. She was unresponsive for a week, in a state of comatose. Finally, she started eating and drinking on her own. But she still wouldn't talk. After another week she finally started talking to her therapist, where she was prescribed anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. After another 2 weeks she was let out of the house and sent to her last foster house. She has been there ever since.

Suddenly, I was sure I was in a state of shock, frozen and unresponsive for a minute, as I looked up and saw Edward, face buried in his hands and crying. Esme rushed over and held him as he cried.

"You can't blame yourself" She said softly. "I don't blame you, I swear, you can't blame yourself. All that matters is we help her now"

Edward nodded, trying to control his breathing and looking strangely human. I knew Edward loved Bella, I knew that since she came when she was 8. He just had a hard time controlling himself sometimes. He hurt himself by forcing her to stay away and I was surprised he never went looking fot her after she left.

The house stayed quiet after that besides Bella's soft breathing. She slept for 15 hours before she started to wake up. We could hear her groaning and moving around on her bed. She was restless for 30 minutes before she finally settled back to sleep.

"I think she needs to be in therapy" Esme said softly.

I nodded. "But she isn't allowed to leave"

"I wish she would talk to one of us" Esme said sadly.

"I'm going to get her medicine filled out so we have it if she needs it." I said.

Esme nods.

Edward was upstairs, watching Bella sleep from the shadows of her room, just like he used to do. It was like he was in awe of her, no matter what. I wondered how long it would take him to figure out she was his mate and how he'd react...

**So I got 9 reviews for the last chapter (you guys rock!), so for this chapter can I get 10?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Once again I was satisfied with the reviews, so here I come. There will be some drama here, I hope you guys enjoy it. **

**EPOV**

Moonlight lit up Bella's face as she slept. This was the only time she was peaceful, when she was sleeping.

Her lips were parted, chest rising and falling with each breath, hair fanned out across her pillow, and wrapped in her blanket tightly. I had to fight the urge to reach out and run my fingers across her cheek. I wondered what she was dreaming about and if she still dreamed about me, but I doubted that.

She stirred in her sleep, moving from her back to her side. The sound of her sighing was like music in my ears. Everything about Bella was perfect, no matter what, and one day she'd make a man very happy. I frowned at the idea for some reason. Her sent clung to everything in the room, it smelled like a mix between heaven and hell. The burn in my throat was ever present, the smell was almost intoxicating, but it was a scent I would inhale all day if I could.

I couldn't help but move closer to her. Her eyes moved lazily behind her eyelids as she was dreaming.

Slowly the sun rose behind me. I knew she would wake up soon, the light would wake her up because after 18 hours the medicine should have left her system.

It was 9 in the morning when she finally started waking up. I knew Esme was coming up to check on her when she was fully awake and that Bella's "lawyer" Peter was coming. When I finally snuck out of Bella's room it was to go hunting so I could be here when she talked to him.

I hunted quickly knowing Peter would be there at 12. Three deers, one bear, and 3 hours later I was back in the house. Esme, Carlisle, and myself sat in the living room while Peter and Bella used Carlisle's office to talk. Carlisle quickly informed me that Bella had taken her anti-depressants and her anti-anxiety pills before Peter came to make sure she could make it through the talk.

I could see Bella through Peter's thoughts. She was looking around the room anxiously, twisting her hands together roughly.

The conversation started off easy. Peter tried to get her comfortable while getting easy information and making her swear to tell the truth. After 30 minutes they finally go down to the issue at hand.

"So, Bella, what happened the night your foster father was killed?"

"I shot him" She said emotionlessly.

"I know that" Peter said softly. "But why, what happened? You said you were defending yourself, what were you defending yourself from?"

"He was trying to" Bella stopped and swallowed loudly. "He was trying to rape me"

"How do you know that?"

"What the fuck do you mean _how do I know that_?" Bella yelled at him.

"If this goes to trial the prosecutors are going to try to make you look like a liar, they are going to try to make it seem like you over reacted. We have to have all of our answers straight."

"He's been doing it for 3 years!" She screamed at him. "I knew! He came at me and he tore my shirt and called me a slut. I said he could keep doing it to me and he just laughed. I was scared and I was mad at I just started shooting at him, and then he was dead."

Tears filled Esme's eyes, Carlisle grabbed her, my body stiffened.

"If it had been going on for three years, why didn't you ever tell your case worker?"

"They wouldn't believe me"

"Why not?"

"Because I have a record"

"Your criminal history has nothing to do with it Bella" He said softly.

I could tell how upset he was over what Bella had just told him.

"No, I have a record in my foster care system"

"What do you mean?"

Bella shook her head and folded her arms.

"Bella, I told you, you have to answer my questions and you have to be truthful or you're going to end up in prison."

"I don't care, I'd rather be in prison than here" She said angrily.

"Why?" Peter asked in shock.

"Because it's all their fault" Bella lashed out. "This is all their fault for letting them take me!"

"What is there fault?"

"EVERYTHING" She jumped out of her seat and started pacing angrily.

"Elaborate"

Despite Bella's angry facade I could smell her tears.

"When they took me, they put me with a family. The family didn't like me because I was a 'crybaby' so I only stayed for a year. Then the next family said I was too much work because I was too sick, too small, and required too much. Then my next family" She started pacing faster and balling and unballing her fists. "They let me stay with them. The dad was very nice to me and the mom said she loved me. My new case manager said they were perfect for me. Then on my 11th birthday we had this huge party and everyone in the family sung and danced. The mom kissed me all day and the father danced with me all day. There were two little girls there too, twins, they make me cards and gave me candy and I was _so _happy"

Bella stopped and tears started falling from her eyes. She started talking faster halfway through her explanation and I knew it would just get worse. A human probably wouldn't have understood what she was saying after she started again.

"And I was excited because he said he had an extra special present for me when everyone fell asleep. It was real late at night when he came into my room. He was smiling really big and he was so excited that I got even more excited. I wasn't scared because I trusted him so much, just like how I trusted Esme and he broke it just like her! He slid into my bed and made me a woman even though I begged him not to. I was too scared to tell so it went on for a year. Then finally I had to go to the GYN because it was burning down their. Of course the GYN told my case worker the truth, that at the age of 12 I had an STD and had to be treated. It cleared up and I changed houses.

"EVERY house I went to after that was the same. Either the father or the son made their way into my bed. I would tell me case worker and he would change my house again. He said it was getting hard to find me a new house because my record was so big and Forks was so small.

"I was in Mr. and Mrs. Johnson's house for TWO WEEKS before Mr. Johnson slid into my bed and raped me. He was drunk and stupid and I got pregnant. Despite the circumstances I was happy. I was so happy. I would have a baby all for me, I would take care of him. But then I killed my baby. I was drinking and smoking so often with my friends that I had a miscarriage. I was a murderer. I AM a murderer. So I tried to kill myself and I couldn't even do that right because my friends found me!

"Finally they brought me to my last foster home. The man was a drunk and raped me after the first night. I was so drunk I didn't even realize what was happening. After that I made sure I either never showed up or I was too drunk or high to remember him sliding into my bed. But I would always feel it, I would know. I couldn't take it anymore"

Bella stopped talking and kept crying. I turned around and threw up all over the rug. The white rug turned bright red with blood. I kept throwing up, load after load until finally it stopped.

Carlisle was staring at me in horror, not understanding how it was possible for me to throw up without having eaten any human food. I knew Bella and Peter were still talking, but I couldn't hear them over the pounding in my head. I was dizzy and worried I would pass out, if that was even possible.

I did that. I sentenced her to that life because I was too weak to control myself. I destroyed everything she could have been, I destroyed HER! That's why she hates me and I can't even blame her. I could only blame myself. For a second the pounding in my head slowed, but only long enough for me to hear Bella answer some unknown question.

"No, I will never be able to have kids now"

Then the pounding was back. I have never hated myself as much as I did in that moment. I didn't deserve to be living, or whatever this was considered. Bella made me happy, but I didn't deserve to be happy. I probably made her miserable. Every time she sees me she probably thinks of how much I am to blame for everything that has happened to her.

I couldn't believe this. I just couldn't. Because of me Bella was raped who knows how many times for 7 years, she tried to kill herself, and now she can't even have kids. I was really and truly a monster.

Peter left after another hour with Bella, promising that there was no way she'd go to jail for this. When Bella came down the carpet was gone and Esme and Carlisle were talking amongst themselves. Esme was trying not to cry.

Bella's eyes were red, swollen, and void of any emotion. I stared at her unsure of what to do. Her empty eyes met mine and locked.

"I'm sorry"I finally said softly.

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Esme and Carlisle stiffen, but they did nothing to indicate that they'd heard me. Bella tensed and pain shot through her eyes, she winced.

"You should be" She finally said, voice as dead as her eyes had been a second ago.


End file.
